my life is changing, changing to a more complicated one, changing to an unhappy one. i use to always think about how future would turn out if i did this or if i did that but reality and thoughts are two different things. i use to always smile and laugh whatever i come across like assessment that is going to be due the next day or even the arrival of the HSC but now, there are more 'other things' to be considerate about, like uni, friends and family. i always think about how i can do my work and study hard for exams and complete assignments without leaving it to the last minute, i have begin to feel tired. very tired. how long can i really last? how long can i carry these heavy baggages on my shoulders for? will i reach the future i always wanted?

recently my voice are raised to easily, even when im talking to my mum it is as though i am screaming at her. hmmm, i alway ask why do asian talk so loud when they are only 2 metres apart, now i understand. i have changed. the word 'laugh' is getting erased slowly in my dictionary. so slow that i dont even realised it.

there are a group of friends i trust so much and would do almost anything if they asked. but this trust is slowly fading away, we usually talk about anything at anytime anywhere but now, when 'this' friend talks to me, i find her annoying and it fustrates me. i would never say no if i was asked by them but now, i wan tto say NO so badly. am i maturing or am i changing or i finally realised that its not a must I CAN SAY NO, I DO HAVE A CHOICE.

i have begin to hate myself bit by bit more by the next day. is this the true me hidden insde all these years?

Labels: feeling within

the starting point for another long semester. i really hope it goes well.

AND i did it again! i went behind my words....

i hope isnt a next time.

btw. today i broke it again....

really regret it now.